Use these three categories to guide the conversations you have with your kids about social media. It’s important to acknowledge that it’s developmentally appropriate for teens to need some privacy from their parents as they explore their identities. If you decide to follow what your teen is doing online, make sure that your teen is aware of it. Frame your actions transparently, says Domoff. Try to tell them, “Because I’m concerned about your safety, I will be checking your content” or “I understand there are things that you may not want me to see. I’m just concerned about you being safe.”

What if your child is an older teen with social media accounts, known to you or otherwise? It’s never too late to start a conversation, says Aliza Kopans, a rising junior at Brown University and cofounder of Tech(nically) Politics, an organization that collects youth stories about social media and advocates for legislative reform. She says it’s important for adults to validate the importance of social media to teens. Don’t frame it as a waste of time, and acknowledge that online friendships can be just as valuable as those made in real life. “Come from a place of curiosity,” says Kopans. Rather than making assumptions, ask your teen how they’re using social media and how social media is making them feel, and start from there.

Domoff recommends weaving conversations about social media into your daily conversations. Treat it as informally as asking them how school went. “Just as you want to be the person your kids come to when they have a fight with their friend, you want to be that person too when it comes to online interactions,” says Domoff.

Still feeling awkward? Try talking about social media in the car, on the way to school or basketball practice. Parents often have an easier time navigating potentially awkward conversations in the car, says Charmaraman. That way there’s a natural end point, and you don’t have to make weird eye contact.

Your own behavior as a parent or trusted adult can have a powerful impact on your children’s relationship to social media. “If you’re checking work emails on your phone at the dinner table, what example does that send?” says Kopans.

Try to open up about your own experiences and reflections on social media, says Domoff. As a parent, you can model conversations about consent and privacy online. Ask your child, “Is it OK if I post this picture of us?” She suggests sharing your own day-to-day experiences, like accounts you follow or memes that you like.

She also suggests sharing the ways that social media impacts your own mental health, asking your kids something like “Hey, I saw this content, and it made me sad. Do you see things that bring you down? What’s something that you can look up online that lifts you up?” Address the mistakes that you’ve made on social media, and show your teens that they can always recover from their social media missteps too.

Model good internet privacy hygiene for your kids too. Teach them how to create (and keep secret) strong passwords for social media accounts, set up two-factor authentication, and practice basic smartphone security.

Finally, you can let your kids make some mistakes on social media, just like they will inevitably make mistakes in their friendships or at school. “Remember that being online is a skill that young people need to develop,” says Charmaraman. Friction or drama on social media doesn’t necessarily mean you should pull the plug. Eventually, your teen will become a young adult who is going to need to know how to monitor their own internet activity.

Rather than bringing out the banhammer immediately, consider the skills you’re helping your kid build, Charmaraman says, “Think less about ‘How do I get my kid off their phone?’ and more ‘How do I equip my kid with the literacy and self-knowledge to prepare them for a digitally connected future?’”